← 2014 May 2014

  • If you listen back to Fatman Scoop's 'Be Faithful' I think you'll find he's quite the equal rights activist #CanIGwtAWhatWhat

  • Just resisted the temptation to ask The Veronica's for a post-wedding selfie.

  • Old age is when you're reading a clients birth certificate and they were born in a year you can clearly remember.

  • Who of all of my Tweeps are Perth mediaites? I've got a Perth wedding story for those keen, we're rocking the @popupwed in WA this Monday!

  • I just had the most Queensland problem ever: I couldn't find my good thongs.

  • Google Ad: 85c, the phone call, $1.60, hearing her whisper 'woohoo' before she ends the call to see if I'm available: priceless.

  • Mog has been rumoured to be replaced, updated by/to Beats in Australia.

  • Australian Beats/Apple angle: Mog is owned by Bears. In Australia Mog is sold/licences by Bigpond Music, no data charges on Telstra.

  • Apple right now: Just Beat it.

  • Barber is playing Slipknot. It's a good day.

  • Some people go to theme parks for fun. Me? I just open the laptop but don't open GMail straight away. I'm a thrillseeker.

  • Breaking: Australia to be renamed to The Straylia.

  • Sifting through @kanyewest's back catalogue trying to guess which song he sung himself down the aisle to.

  • Webstats always tell such a fun and odd story. Today two people have Googled "cost of joshua withers".

  • GCal runs a tight and lean ship, is very unforgiving, but given fair warning is very generous with days off.

  • Some say that being self-employed means that you're your own boss. Not true. I'm employed by Google Calendar.

  • I'm usually not one for traditions. But reading the @SatPaper could easily become one.

  • Considering a new photo-journalism series "Motorways turned into carparks"

  • Do not ever give up. Simply print this out, stare at it forever, and eventually you will die.

  • "A man's errors are his portals of discovery." - Writer, James Joyce

  • Britt trying to describe zip-ties: the things rapists use.

  • Increasing by an average of five people per day.

  • Hey, if anyone's looking for website, Google, or SEO help I've got the details of about three trillion Indian guys that can help you.

  • The real casualties of the universe expanding are the local universes that are already doing it tough in this astrological environment.

  • Marriage is less about being madly in love and more about always letting your bride have some of your chips.

  • As much as I tell everyone that I don't miss the media, of course I'm the wanker whose first reaction to a truck on fire is: video that shit

  • Sad, funny, strange. Words I'm using to describe people passionately dancing to Semisonic's Closing Time at 11:59pm.

  • Life's always good when you're playing tunes. I'm at Novotel Twin Waters tonight. Don't mention the two hour drive home at midnight ....

  • A couple on why they booked me "we do not want a boring ceremony, we’re in love - not going into retirement"

  • Shuts ... but shits is also appropriate.

  • It's not a day ending in y unless there's another crash on the motorway that shits down the whole motorway ...

  • With Channel Ten axing News it's got a new show planned: Olds. It's the best of the Ten News of the past 50 years.

  • Citizens of the world, let's put aside our politics & beliefs to unite against our true enemy: the canapés "no thanks" guilt-trip guy.

  • You know you're in the country when the local council installs signs instructing drivers to ignore their GPS.

  • Wouldn't it suck to be the guy who's lasting legacy was inventing pistachio crispbread.

  • I suppose 91.7 is aimed at an older demographic?

  • ABC Gold Coast is such a different radio station to 612 Brisbane. I literally feel young listen to 91.7, on 612 I feel on par.

  • People wanting to be stars, shouldn't be stars #TheVoiceAu

  • I know that's a mega smart-ass tweet, @abcgoldcoast, but you're doing the tech equivalent of announcing @JuliaGillard as the new PM.

  • ABC GC doing a new technology segment where they're breaking the news of Google Glass, right now. Need a hand over there, @abcgoldcoast?

  • Fixing father-in-law's computer, what malware software do kids use on Windows PCs these days?

  • Beats by Steve.

  • Do you know someone that works for a printing company? I'm looking for a blank, possibly even broken, pull-up banner. Bris/GC/Tweed.

  • Wedding on the Gabba turf today, I've got cricket puns, don't worry, but if you had something extra specially punny, feel free to comment.

  • I wanted to post a Jay Z/Beyoncé joke and Britt said I could do it Solange as it was funny.

  • Mega thanks to everyone :)

  • I'm worried this PA system thing is getting out of hand. Ch9's on the phone ... might just pay for one myself :)

  • I have a very large collection of books ... which I would like to start reading one day.

  • Wedding is Thursday May 22 on the Sunshine Coast, I can pickup/dropoff to Bris/GC

  • Place I normally rent from can't donate, so I thought I'd ask publically.

  • I'm donating my services to a terminally ill bride next Thursday night, needing a PA system and party lights for the reception, can u help?

  • Amirite?

  • More like hero pussy

  • "It's people like you that we need more of in this confusing web of wedding information." - Adam and Mel

  • Google apps tells me I'm dealing with 96.07 business emails per day. Which is about 86 more than my morning coffee allows for.

  • Heard a @goldfmgc announcer say that American Authors' 'Best Day Of My Life' was coming up with no @JoeHockey reference. Missed opp!

  • "So sick ... wish I could ... get ... help .... but .... bugger paying ..... seven ... dol ... lars .... like ... seriously wtf?" - sick ppl

  • If you watch the budget right to the end of the credits there's a secret scene where Joe Hockey gets rejected from The Avengers.

  • Any update on hair cuts in the budget?

  • On an International scale right now, Australia is the rich kid chucking a hissy fit because his parents only got him a BMW for his birthday.

  • Playing "Doctor, Doctor, give me the news" on the radio now costs $7 per play #auspol #Budget2014

  • Spending big on infrastructure? @TonyAbbottMHR has 99 problems but bitumen ain't one #auspol #Budget2014

  • Ok .... I'm listening to @612brisbane now getting budget updates. Jokes to follow.

  • I've been working, so I've missed the while budget, but it sounds like @JoeHockey just changed lanes without indicating #auspol #Budget2014

  • Serious idea: reality TV show based around my email inbox. More crazy stuff happens in there than you'd ever imagine.

  • "A lady never reveals her secret Twitter account username" - a saying

  • Jay Z has x problems, where x=99+y where y is how many extra problems he has.

  • Is Limewire down for everyone or just me?

  • SEO/web nerd friends: What blog/resource/website would you say is the go-to, number one resource, definitive website for SEO advice & info?

  • Do bearded people do Crossfit or are the two sub-cultures not allowed to cross streams?

  • Meeting space in Brisbane that doesn't feel like a morgue or cost the earth, any tips?

  • Breaking: Budget axe to fall on whole of government, everyone is unemployed, chaos to ensue. Follow #Chaos for regular updates.

  • Also, does anyone know of somewhere to get a light lunch on the way to this wedding out the back of a Byron Bay?

  • Dear @googlemaps, how about an option 'Directions to blah blah and is like to have a light lunch on the way but don't know the area"

  • djay by @Algoriddim has gunshot sfx. Accidentally pressing it in the middle of Hey Ya! is hilarious. Also genuinely terrifying for dancers.

  • (Bands > Offspring) is the musical version of Pi.