Withers Without You

Palaszczuk, Berejiklian, quarantine. Words I still need to Google to make sure I’ve spelt them right. That will be my Covid legacy.

For no real reason, here’s the top three lunch-time radio station boardroom performances from my time on commercial radio.

1. Hanson - Mmmm Bop
2. Russel Morris - The Real Thing
3. Pete Murray - Beautiful

In the name of efficiency, why don’t we turn our Australian corruption bodies to finding politicians that aren’t corrupt and are without sin.

We could make it a game.

Australia’s Next Top Model Citizen.

My bet for today is that after yesterday being teased for not locking Southeast Queensland down because of the NRL Grand Final, Mumma Palaszczuk grounds us for a week with no TV privileges or something plus we have to mow the Outback.

Wedding planning red flag: when the wedding venue/vendor refers to clients as “brides” instead of couples. Run for the hills.

Hey, just some personal news: if the rest of you could completely align with my values and not say anything asynchronous to them, that would make my existence so much easier. Please delete all internets that aren’t totally aligned with my biases.

I’m becoming increasingly good at avoiding death by truck

My social media notifications are busy because I dare wade into anti-antivaxx conversations with “let’s not be dicks to anitvaxxers" types of statements, and honestly, I’m probably ok with dying on this hill. Burn me at the stake for employing empathy please.

Law & Order Season 21, episode 1, opening scene: A restaurant in Chinatown and a CGI Detective Lennie Briscoe is checking vaccine passports on people’s phones. This continues for the entire episode.

I’m just saying, if Sharon the team psychologist, and Coach Ted Lasso don’t end up together romantically, I’m burning my AFC Richmond jersey in a symbolic disappointment ceremony that will be live-streamed on Bantr.

“The page loads, and a little video ad box rises from the bottom left of the screen and begins buffering. Then a big box pops up over the small one with an offer to subscribe to the paper at a special promotional rate. As you contemplate it, the video begins to play in a muted spasm. This throws a scrim of gray over the rest of the page, making it impossible to read.

Before you can deal with any of this, you’ll need to close this subscription box. You can achieve this by clicking either a tiny “x” or a passive-aggressive statement like “No, I don’t want great articles.” But while you’ve been triaging a second small video player has floated up into the middle left of the screen. A sedan silently snakes along a road hewn into a mountain and forces itself into your consciousness. It switches to a video of the Mets’ new manager, which you do not really want. Also, you now have to close a new rectangular ad at the bottom of the screen, advertising the same subscription offer as the first pop-up box.”

– David Roth

“Life should be a marvel, not a habit.”

Splash

Have you noticed a rise in Facebook posts asking questions?

If you’re interested in taking better photos, this is a great starting piece to read and be inspired by.

Author Anne Lamott on imperfection:

“Almost everyone is screwed up, broken, clingy, scared, and yet designed for joy. Even (or especially) people who seem to have it more or less together are more like the rest of us than you would believe. I try not to compare my insides to their outsides, because this makes me much worse than I already am, and if I get to know them, they turn out to have plenty of irritability and shadow of their own. Besides, those few people who aren’t a mess are probably good for about twenty minutes of dinner conversation.

This is good news, that almost everyone is petty, narcissistic, secretly insecure, and in it for themselves, because a few of the funny ones may actually long to be friends with you and me. They can be real with us, the greatest relief. As we develop love, appreciation, and forgiveness for others over time, we may accidentally develop those things toward ourselves, too.”

I hope all the computerised facial recognition systems around the world are freaking out over face masks. I wonder if the facial recognition companies are the ones pushing anti-mask propaganda?

Why haven’t there been more waxed/vaxxed puns? Are all of you in Big Pun’s pockets? Are you just anti-waxxers?

Otto von Bismarck said “Politics is the art of the possible, the attainable — the art of the next best” … I wonder if the Victorian government is willing and able to find the possible, the attainable, in the middle of the whole situation in Melbourne?

Social media: mentally toxic. Social proximity: physically toxic. Being alone: emotionally toxic. Mainstream media: intellectually toxic.

We’re all going to need a bit of a detox after this. Whatever this is and however or whenever it ends.

Found my six month old sucking on my thong (flip flop). My father of the year trophy is now in question.

If there’s a real silver lining to Covid, it’s the resurgence of roadmaps. Apps like @googlemaps and satellite navigation were putting the final nails in roadmap’s coffin, but thanks to the pandemic, they’re back! #longlivetheroadmap

Global platitude supplies are reaching an all time low. At this rate we’ll be completely out of platitudes by Christmas 2021.

My favourite people are the people who look at protestors and see hurting people.

Instagram 2011: Let’s make that shitty iPhone photo look acceptable.

Instagram 2021: Girls dancing whilst hard truths appear on screen in captions that aren’t related to the song or the dance.

Why do people watch other YouTube videos when this superb specimen exists? The Australian Army’s Marching Band covering Rage Against The Machine’s Killing In The Name Of, whilst the Bathurst Police dance along at the 2015 Bathurst 1000 V8 Supercars.

Hey, I was wondering if any tech bloggers were up to the task of telling me which iPhone I should buy, or not buy, or whatever, today?

So disappointing, we were only three submarines away from unlocking our own Statue of Liberty achievement for Rundle Mall.

Malls Balls 4eva.

Shit. I just ate my toddler’s entire supply of sultanas. I’m going to need a new passport with a new identity. Can any of you take me in?

“As it is with things that are mysterious, things that we consider enigmatic, we tend to fill in the void using the information that we already have. Things like assumptions, beliefs, and biases come into play. And we know that if these things go unchecked, then they end up going viral.”

— Nieman Lab

Instagram internal research: ‘We make body image issues worse for one in three teen girls’

I think the wedding industry is changing. My first 2023 wedding booking is for a lunchtime wedding on a Monday in May.

The tech press’ obsession with Ming-chi Kuo and Mark Gurman took a hit today as Apple leant into the idea of annual incremental upgrades while Kuo and Gurman have been talking a big game. We love a good rumour though.

The Gothamist: Why We United After 9/11—But Less So For COVID?

“Unity needs division”

Do you ever wonder whether we miss the old school prejudices so much that we’re actually kinda excited about vaccinism because it’s like a cool and popular prejudice that won’t get us cancelled?

I don’t wonder that of course.

Please don’t cancel me.

“If my hands are fully occupied in holding on to something, I can neither give nor receive.”

– Dorothee Sölle

“With its stock characters, punch-lines, reversals and running gags, ancient humour worked in much the same way as its modern counterpart.”

What the Romans found funny

Are conspiracy theories/anti-vaxxers, a personal problem or a social problem? The Boston Review suggests they are a social problem.

“Debunking is a distraction. Instead, we should address the dearth of political vision on which conspiracism feeds.”

ok wow… unfollowing now. was a big fan of their music but i was not aware they were using it because their happiness was slowly creeping back now you’re at home.

“Conspiracy theories like QAnon are ultimately a social problem rather than a cognitive one. We should blame politics, not the faulty reasoning of individuals.”

Long Covid: the numbers

“In a 2020 study in the journal Clinical Psychological Science, researchers found that trigger warnings also encouraged people to view trauma as an essential part of their personhood, a belief which correlates with increased symptom severity and poorer overall mental health outcomes”

– Gawker

“In a 2020 study in the journal Clinical Psychological Science, researchers found that trigger warnings also encouraged people to view trauma as an essential part of their personhood, a belief which correlates with increased symptom severity and poorer overall mental health outcomes”

– Gawker

While you were making those measurements of different real-world cities, did you discover any surprising patterns or spatial relationships? Yes, definitely. I think the biggest one was the parking lots. When I started measuring out our local grocery store, which I don’t think of as being that big, I was blown away by how much more space was parking lot rather than actual store. That was kind of a problem, because we were originally just going to model real cities, but we quickly realized there were way too many parking lots in the real world and that our game was going to be really boring if it was proportional in terms of parking lots.

The Philosophy of SimCity: An Interview With the Game’s Lead Designer

I’m proud to announce that our lawns are mowed, gardens are tidy, and we’ve cleaned our house, so we’re now accepting visitors until our toddler comes home from kindy.

RU Even Aware Of What OK Looks Like Anymore?

“You bloody fool”

– Australian duck

Heads up, tomorrow is RUOK Day, so make sure you are prepared to pretend to have your shit together for a day.

Have you ever considered that we’re all just flying around the universe on a big rock making shit up and taking made-up currencies off each other for the pleasure of making shit up for each other?

If you’ve ever read my shit and thought “it’s a crime that I’m getting this for free” then here’s a chance to pay for it.

Tomorrow, any of you who subscribe to @decryption’s $5 a month Sizzle email will receive the crumbs off my table.

A+ nerdy, techie, crumbs, xoxo.

“There goes a truly great drummer.”

For nine years I’ve been lucky enough to call you my wife, Britt.

In my vows I said “we’ll write a beautiful story together” and boy is that true.

Happy anniversary, Snow x

And thanks Molk for ignoring any of that unplugged ceremony nonsense and filming our first kiss.

Sunrise from Tallebudgera Creek this morning

Instead of labelling antivaxxers or vaccine-hesitant people as stupid etc, could we consider how we as a society have contributed to the rapid distrust of elected officials and pharmaceutical companies?

I’m married to a vaccine hesitant person and she’s not stupid. But she finds valid and real reason to distrust the choir of voices singing the “just get vaccinated, ya know” song.

Honestly, she brings more reading material, albeit embroiled in conjecture, than the “hey idiots, blindly believe the govt and just get vaxxed” crowd.

I’m tired.

Welcome to my TED Talk.

The history of the blue, under-lined, hyperlink

“If the plan is clear no meeting is needed”

I’ve finally come to the realisation that the wedding industry can’t provide for my family for the near future, so I’m taking on small business clients to tell their story. Recorded and produced my first piece of content this morning!

Something no-one really tells you about adulthood is that it’s mostly just waiting.

Ten years ago tonight, September 2nd 2010, the 90.9 Sea FM Gold Coast studios created a local afternoon and evening show for the last time.

This story means little to most Australian radio listeners, but there used to be so many more people employed in the creation of radio. In 2010/2011 that number dropped significantly as radio networks merged, like Macquarie Regional Radio with Austereo did and RG Capital with DMG Radio before it. In the last decade the number of people engaged in the creation of local radio would have reduced to be a fraction of what it was in 2003 when I started in the industry.

I feel like columns like this generally provide a slanted view of it being good or bad, but I truly don’t know. It isn’t like The Benchwarmers were creating radio that mattered, or that the Big Kahuna was making radio that changed people. We were just a bunch of humans being paid to have fun for your enjoyment. We loved it, you loved it, advertisers loved it, we got paid.

Through Covid people who “have fun for your enjoyment” have suffered through the absence of live shows and events, and I wonder if we will ever know the true loss we’d be left with if we keep on minimising the number of people who have fun for our enjoyment.

I hope we can always find a business model for fun. Traditionally fun was paid for by advertisers, but in 2021 we as a society feel less comfortable with that business model, but the only other one is one where we the consumer pay up.

Photo of me in a radio studio over a decade ago having fun.

“When you’re young, you look at television and think - There’s a conspiracy. The networks have conspired to dumb us down. But when you get a little older, you realise that’s not true. The networks are in business to give people exactly what they want. That’s a far more depressing thought.” - Steve Jobs

x% of all sales go to a good cause. The remainder goes to me, a not-good cause.

Channel 4’s tribute and favourite moments YouTube clips in remembrance of Sean Lock are solid gold.

Choices

Kesha, the artist, is a prophet: Her ’09 debut single Tik Tok turns out to be quite the business plan for the 2016 social network bearing the same name. 2010’s Blah Blah Blah describes, well, it describes everything. 2017’s collab with Macklemore, Good Old Days? Enough said.

On in-person education:

“The Nobel laureate economist Friedrich Hayek had a phrase for the kind of awareness it’s hard to capture in metrics and maps: the ‘knowledge of the particular circumstances of time and place’.”

from “How to Make the World Add Up” by Tim Harford

The wedding industry is weird, it’s one of the few workplaces where you’re encouraged to make your clients cry,

“In times of change, learners inherit the earth, while the learned find themselves beautifully equipped to deal with a world that no longer exists.” - Eric Hoffer

“Nobody tells this to people who are beginners, I wish someone told me. All of us who do creative work, we get into it because we have good taste. But there is this gap. For the first couple years you make stuff, it’s just not that good. It’s trying to be good, it has potential, but it’s not. But your taste, the thing that got you into the game, is still killer. And your taste is why your work disappoints you. A lot of people never get past this phase, they quit. Most people I know who do interesting, creative work went through years of this. We know our work doesn’t have this special thing that we want it to have. We all go through this. And if you are just starting out or you are still in this phase, you gotta know its normal and the most important thing you can do is do a lot of work. Put yourself on a deadline so that every week you will finish one story. It is only by going through a volume of work that you will close that gap, and your work will be as good as your ambitions. And I took longer to figure out how to do this than anyone I’ve ever met. It’s gonna take awhile. It’s normal to take awhile. You’ve just gotta fight your way through.”

― Ira Glass

”More than a thousand web apps mistakenly exposed 38 million records on the open internet, including data from a number of Covid-19 contact tracing platforms, vaccination sign-ups, job application portals, and employee databases. The data included a range of sensitive information, from people’s phone numbers and home addresses to social security numbers and Covid-19 vaccination status.”

– Wired

“…there is no ladder of intelligence. Intelligence is not a single dimension. It is a complex of many types and modes of cognition, each one a continuum. … we have no measurement, no single metric for that intelligence. Instead we have many different metrics for many different types of cognition.”

“A squirrel can remember the exact location of several thousand acorns for years, a feat that blows human minds away. So in that one type of cognition, squirrels exceed humans.”

• Kevin Kelly

A lot of people who don’t live in a border region posting big words regarding the protest from those living in border regions today. I live 1km inside the Queensland border to NSW and if you cared, I can tell stories for days of people who are affected, you’d be speechless.

“The Media Is Too Clueless and Sensationalistic to Properly Explain Breakthrough Covid”

” I worry about a world in which many people will believe anything, but I worry far more about one in which people believe nothing beyond their own preconceptions."

Currently reading “How to Make the World Add Up: Ten Rules for Thinking Differently About Numbers” by Tim Harford

Well guys, I think that just about wraps up our first dress rehearsal for humanity. Let’s come back tomorrow and start a fresh and try and do it properly then.

BREAKING: Netflix Secures Exclusive Broadcast Rights To NSW Premier’s 11am Press Conference

“The Premier’s 11am press briefing is literally the only thing people watch on free to air these days except the Olympics and maybe State of Origin football.”

Ok, real talk, in Paw Patrol, why does Ryder, a human, get a Jetpack, but the pups have to drive or fly with their paws? Also, why don’t they deploy all pups to all jobs? Through each episode they all eventually get called out. It’s just inefficient patrolling.

Come on Australia, we can do this, just keep on posting about Covid and we’ll solve it once we reach heard immunity.

“Unravel from toxic individualism. You do nothing by yourself. Your whole life is a collaboration.”

– @TheNapMinistry

Phone call starts with a recorded Australian accent speaking “This call is from National Crime Authority, the legal department of Services Australia” and I’m probably one spam phone call away from never answering a call again.

Real talk, it’s been 17 months today since the first restrictions on what I call, the Australian Beforetime. Since then our every day has simply been different.

How long until we all collectively lose our minds?

I keep on seeing signs of the dam wall breaking.

Hey, does anyone know how Sia feels about cheap thrills?

Scientific evidence that social media makes us sadder and angrier. Why do we do this?

Hey, if masks are going to be a thing, could we at least use them to remind me who you are and how I know you?

For most Australians, before March 2020 we’d never identifed as a Queenslander or a West Australian, outside of the odd game of sport, or in a fleeting moment of pride.

We identified as Australian.

Will the new Covid-lead state-based patriotism continue after Covid?

Everyone has their little covid skill they’ve learned. Some of you might have sourdough, or knitting. I have the ability to clearly and concisely respond to emails from the Office of Fair Trading in under 6 hours.

On ABC radio this morning I predicted that the cost of weddings will rise post-covid because the wedding industry has been one of the hardest hit by Covid and received the least amount of support, financial, or political.

I haven’t got a job because of a resume in over 18 years (thanks Ali and Sea FM Mackay!) but I made one today because I think the pandemic has fired me from being self-employed ¯_(ツ)_/¯

When consumed moderately, whisky’s many medicinal benefits include preventing the “head from whirling, the tongue from lisping… the hands from shivering, the bones from aching.”

— Sixteenth-century English chronicler Raphael Holinshed

Recreating the After Dark screensavers in CSS is a strong, super strong, nostalgia kick. I’d pay good money for a Flying Toasters screensaver today just to steal my mind away from 2021 for a minute.

Luna Hawk Amateur Skater

Friends often ask what it’s like to cross the border from NSW into Queensland so I filmed today’s border crossing after collecting essentials from Tweed Heads icon, Bread Social (I have a permit to cross the border)

“A writer—and, I believe, generally all persons—must think that whatever happens to him or her is a resource. All things have been given to us for a purpose, and an artist must feel this more intensely. All that happens to us, including our humiliations, our misfortunes, our embarrassments, all is given to us as raw material, as clay, so that we may shape our art.”

— Jorge Luis Borges

Toying with the idea of flushing my entire digital identity down the toilet for my 40th birthday later this year and starting a fresh. New phone number, email, domain, Apple ID, Google Account, blog, all new social accounts. It feels like a grand idea.

I’d pay money for an iOS upgrade that acknowledged swearing in autocorrect. I’ve never in my almost 40 years wanted to get tucked or ducked.

Forty years ago today, August 1 in the USA, 1981, MTV launched by playing Video Killed The Radio Star.

The lockdowns will continue until morale improves

Hey Siri, are there less people believin’ these days because there are less midnight trains goin’ anywhere?

It’s been made aware to me that some of my social media broadcasts over the last year might paint me as some sort of person, politically etc.

Please do not look to me for epidemiological advice or policy. I am a hurting man who has lost much and continues to lose more.

I’m not the one to look for on whether borders should open or close, or if you should alter your DNA to survive a pandemic.

However, if you’d like specific advice on how to not look like you’re crying in public please DM me. It’s basically about pretending you were laughing instead.

Hey, do you remember that time our Australian state and federal governments drove us all so far apart to the point of madness and hatred of those we love and even strangers we’ve never met?

Pro-vax, anti-vax, pro-lockdown, anti-lockdown, everyone’s trying to join a team, but so few people are understanding the hurt that others are feeling. Whilst you might be annoyed by wearing a masking, or other people not-wearing a mask, all whilst your income, stability, and quality of life hasn’t changed in the last year, many have lost more than they’d care to mention, or even have the words to describe.

We don’t need to be right. No-one cares if you’re right.

We need to care, we need empathy, we need consideration and understanding.

Because in 300 years when we’re all dust, no-one’s going to be telling stories about how right you were. But they’ll speak about our legacy of empathy and care.

The @iocmedia: The winner is Brisbane!

Brisbane: Sheppard, put us down for one opening ceremony.

#Brisbane2032

The Olympics are coming home!