An American comedian once told a friend that he had made a new invention.

He tells the friend, that you get this leaf and you dry it, crush it down, roll it in paper, secure the ends, and light one end on fire. Once the end is burning you put the other end in your mouth and suck on it.

The friend says that sounds great, and he asks, “Does it get you high”. The comedian replies, “no”. “Does it make you healthy” the friend asks, the comedian replies negatively. After a few more questions with similar answers, the friend says to the comedian, “this invention sounds great” and walks off stunned.

The joke of course lies in the purpose of the cigarette, and for those in the dark, the humble cigarette provides no purpose or benefit to those of us here on earth. On Mars it may present us with something new, but for the meanwhile we will assume it has no benefits or purpose.

I haven’t had cigarette smoke enter my lungs for about 4 years now (not including my passive smoking habit I can’t seem to kick) and I’ve never felt better, so I write this as a man who knows the allure the paper and tobacco combination contains, but I also know the change you go through after you quit. That’s a change you can’t buy from a doctor or specialist, nor can you find it in any chemist or supermarket.

So I found it intriguing and comical that in tonight’s sub-zero (Ed: 10 degrees celsius) temperatures my Uncle and his partner were sitting in the lounge room, with the front and back sliding doors open, smoking away.

They keep the doors open as a measure of kindness to the 50% of the household that don’t smoke, which I and Rachel appreciate and am thankful for. But I still find it hilarious that they would force the household into the cold, for one simple reason … the humble cigarette.

I can just see the headlines in the Bulletin: Smoking family dies of amnesia.

The next day in the Gold Coast Bulletin: Stop cigarettes now! Haven’t enough people died because of amnesia?

The insanity ensues.