Dear the United States of America,
I would like to submit my application to become your house’s Speaker. I’m of the understanding than you do not currently have a speaker, and you are in need of a speaker. It just so happens that speaking is one of the few things on this planet that I am really good at.
Attached is photographic evidence of me at to Kirsten and Todd’s wedding speaking quite well, you will notice them as much as I speak really good, I also slide into the background of the story if the photographer uses the correct aperture.
For references, please see my Google and Facebook page reviews, where I maintain an almost five star rating, with the exception of a few random spam accounts that have left me one star reviews without any reason.
It is possible that me being an Australian currently residing in Mexico may be an issue, but for the next week, I am still in Tennessee. If you are willing to give me a green card, I am willing to speak at your house.
I am also available for weddings, parties, anything.
Yours sincerely, the next speaker of the United States of America, Josh “Married By Josh” Withers.