← 2014October 2014
And for first marriages it’s even lower.
Did you know that the 50% of marriages don’t actually end in divorce. Recent research shows that it’s about 30%.
There’s something awesomely liberating about being in a city where every sign is in Spanish. It’s like a lovely forced ignorance #PuertoRico
Call it over-exposure to pop culture, or just plain silliness, but whenever a local finishes a sentence my brain adds “Hey Macarena!”
I’m on the Internet FROM THE SKY OMG! #flyfi #jetblue
JFK ✈ Puerto Rico!
Tomorrow we’re off to Puerto Rico for three days then we hit DC, home Friday-week!
Today we’re going to the Statue of Liberty, Central Park, Top of the Rock and ….
we’re going to drop in on @charlescory because I want to meet his boss (Gary Vaynerchuk!!!!)
Totally watching CBS to watch the #Letterman show I’ve already seen taped.
Sooo @taylorswift13 and I connected, like in the eyes, tonight at #thelateshow … do I need to leave Britt now?
Tossing up the idea of going to the Letterman show this afternoon dressed as a sexy ebola nurse.
Today’s mission: Letterman, Fallon, Colbert or Stewart tickets. Please be kind standby ticket deity!
Checked out the new Kindle at Best Buy - I’ve never thought of an e-ink tablet as sexy, but hey, first time for everything!
Credit goes to @KasturiShan who says that a situationship is a relationship without any emotional relationship.
New York term for being exclusive, but not in a relationship: situationship. The most passive aggressive of the ‘ships.
With Ebola so close I'm watching I Am Legend today for a refresher NYC survival course.
Well I’ve got to say, it’s an honour to be in the same city as Ebola. Later on in life when everyone ignores me, I’ll have have a reason.
8:45am on day 5: they have accepted me as one of their own. Barista at the Starbucks across from my apartment cracked a joke with me.
Plus ‘traditional web design’ is a hilarious thing to say
Can see Kendall Jenner, she’s now more real than the moon landing.
Mapel-coated sugar-cube-chip caramelised chocolate cupcake #whynot #witherstakeusa
As much as Tosh 3.11 would’ve been lovely, it’s was the non-$3 beer that lead me to warn everyone to never go to Dangerfield’s.
Was lied to by the ticket seller on the street. Promised @danieltosh & #TinaFey sold us four tickets instead of two and promised $3 beers
It doesn’t even matter how many hotdogs I ate today, walked 18km around Manhattan.
I fail to see how any American could get fat. Everything is so sugar-encrusted here. And sugar is totally natural.
Can confirm: this city never sleeps.
LAX is a happening place (read: Ghost-town) before 8am.
Pretty sure the reason God didn’t want us to have sex before marriage is for this exact reason.
“Hi, you used to date my wife and you awkwardly broke up. Let’s share personal space for a day.”
I hate it when people say this, but it’s true: I can’t even.
Of all the flights, and all the seats.
On a flight sitting next to my wife’s ex-boyfriend.
I am on holidays … back to work in three weeks!
I think I just broke the shop assistant’s heart when I mistakingly said I’ve just finished work for the year & I’m on holidays to NYC 2morrw
Ed Sheeran’s ‘Thinking Out Loud’ is a beautiful song about a man lovingly telling his wife he’s planning to divorce her on his 71st birthday
Off to @rabbitandcocoon for the @Uber_GoldCoast launch tonight! #UberGC
Just shirt fronted the ATO. The ATO won. But I got a few fronts in before it got me.
Just shirt fronted a coffee. The coffee lost.
Ok, stay with me on this: Jay Z in Beyoncé in a black Gone Girl but it’s real life. Brilliant?
Just changed my Dropbox password to boobs
Any recs for a travelling app to store itineraries, flight numbers, reservations etc? TripIt looks liek a win, do you use anything?
Like to know more about my jokes? Send a stamped self-addressed envelope to Studio 4, 30 Light Street, F/Val, & I'll send you a factsheet.
... find a better method of putting the ball at the end of the field.
Let's all just never mention a country or race in the world again ok. Unless it's a sporting match in which case those Kiwis can go f...
Thinking about wearing a dog suit and leg cast, carrying a boom box the whole time we’re New York #BigCityNights
I don't want to seem petty, but someone has changed the font on my GMail email notifications and TODAY IS RUINED.
Nothing is on fire. Fire is on things. Mind. Blown.
I feel a bit petty just leaving but I feel they’re being petty trying to get another $3 out of me.
Has there been an economics study done on $10 minimum EFTPOS a limits? If there’s a limit being enforced I’ll just go to another shop.
It’s nice being the talk of the town lol
Bilambil service station attendant asks me if I’ve heard about the seven weddings happening at Summergrove Estate today! #popupwed
Tonight on 60 Minutes , the man who once proclaimed ‘every day I’m shuffling’ caught walking.
Can you actually earn, or spend, Flybuys points on actual flights anymore?
97.3fm must be the only station that plays Star Trekkin after LMFAO
Tonight on 60 Minutes, the man who once proclaimed ‘every day I’m shuffling’ caught walking.
“My grandfather knitted me this jumper“ - thing we’ll hear when we’ve really reached gender equality
Persevere my brothers and sisters in the faith.
An encouragement for the survivors. It's been three weeks since the iPhone 6 came out and I haven't upgraded yet. It gets easier each day.
I try my hardest to not talk about politics and religion on here, but wouldn’t that be a cool band name? #PoliticsAndReligion
Well I don't know what you've been doing today but I just got ordained as a minister in the state of New York.
Mars is the only planet in the known universe that is 100% inhabited by robots.
“There used to be a Pizza Hut there!” - me, like, everywhere
We're at Summergrove Estate in the Tweed Hinterland this Sunday - hope the skies stay blue
It's the #GoldCoast #popupwedding weekend with seven couples getting married! I love #popupwed because it's no BS, 100% authentic commitment
Ugh! I just saw my first Instagram ad. My photos are all so dirty now. I'll be back after this shower brought to you by Johnson & Johnson.
I'm sure none of their other vendors hold them to account for every dollar as much as I do.
I really do feel sorry for any wedding media that ever approaches me to advertise.
The Brisbane market has never been more ripe for the @BrisbaneTimes to click print on it's website & start selling something at a newsagent
I'm not saying we should, but, like, has anyone ever given a sloth cocaine - @eliyudin
I've been working with a pretty awesome Sydney photographer on his new website and blog, and he just launched, and is giving away a camera!
Thoroughly making sure all of my bikini pics are gone from the internet in-case I get murdered and it makes frontpage news.
SPORTSBALL WTF! #DONTLIKEEITHERTEAM
Surely it's time the world saw another song featuring the word 'haver'?
Just did an interview with the Daily Mail!
Just saw someone renting a DVDS from an automated DVD kiosk, so it’s a pretty massive day for the DVD industry.
High school friend just invited me to like her favourite supermarket's Facebook page. Life really is a box of chocolates isn't it.
"In life, change is inevitable. In business, change is vital." Author, Warren G. Bennis
Remember the good old days when we used to post on ello? Good times.
That last tweet is possibly too meta
Do you think Apple’s U2 giveaway might have been more successful if they hid the album in a folder on the phone called Fun Stuff?
It might have something to do with not having lost any direct family members or friends.
OMG WHEN OR WHERE WILL THIS #BACHELORAU SAGA END? Asking for a friend.
Over-excited Korean guy wearing a Jeep shirt driving a brand new Jeep bought a Jeep.
“Never bring a Dyson Airblade to a towel fight“ - @MrBigFists
Can anyone recommend an electrician on the Gold Coast? Our hot water system is on strike, showers are forecast with a cold front expected.
Everyone stop asking me why @MolksTVTalk and i are consciously uncoupling. He’s the one making all of the decisions.
I'm 32 years old and I still don't "know what that means" when radio announcers say "it's Friday and you know what that means!"
In breaking news, The Bachelor transforms into the bachelor, same guy but without the capitalised first letters cause it's not a title now.
Ok, stay with me on this one, new name for Blake: The Batch-he-lay-her #TheBachelorAU
Hi, I find u on the Google, how much you charge? $935 My friend got married last month for $350, why u so much, u don't do anything special
I'm going to wear a burqa to Parmigiana tonight.
Peter is to oin tune with the termites RT @612brisbane: Called in a pest controller to answer your concern on the cereal box Peter.
I can’t help but think I’ll be a broke elderly man spending every last dollar on remastered Eminem and Nickelback albums.
There needs to be a ruling made on whose armrest is whose in a cinema.
You probably didn't know this, but the official bird of the City of #Brisbane is a guy trying to drive the wrong way down a one-way street.
In a moment of confusion, Parliament House’s chef has taken burgers off the menu.
"I find Bourke Street confronting" - Josh Withers
Movie Idea: #LiamNeeson just stands in front of a camera punching people for 2 hours: "Taken 4: It's Face Value"
Movie idea: #LiamNeeson's daughter is totally ok so they buy a tandem bike: "Taken 4: A Ride"
Movie idea: Liam Neeson resigns from being a retired CIA agent and becomes an Ibuprofen: Take 4: Back Pain.
Movie idea: #LiamNeeson realises the movie producers have been behind his daughter's kidnapping this whole time: Taken 4: A Fool.
Movie idea: #LiamNeeson is replaced by @HackedOffHugh in the next in the Taken series. It's called "Taken 4: Granted"
Wow! I'm working from home today and just realised I'd been wearing pants all morning for no reason!
Any Wordpress theme nerds available to do an Illustrator to Wordpress theme conversion? We've hired @chopchoporg but they're being painful.
Will Smith and the remaining survivors will really enjoy your #Ebola jokes in 6 months.