← 2015February 2015
We're all secretly idiots inside.
It might be hours before I have to wake up but I've just set up the most awesome nerd thing for tomorrow's wedding fair!
Hello Sydney!
Saturday night flying is the best! The flight's pretty much empty ... bye Melbourne, see you soon for @LoveOnTheLawn1, Sydney!
Have we reached peak llama dress yet?
What spelling is this color?
Not sure if I'm in Melbourne or an episode of Australia's Got Talent.
My only disappointment with the Great Ocean Road is that there is not a restaurant called "Lorne Bowls"
I don't want to boast, but I have the same number of Oscars as Leonardo DiCaprio #justsayin
Britt: look at that cow pooing. Josh: that's bullshit baby. drops mic
First world holiday problem: can't sleep because the majestically beautiful crashing waves outside our beachside cottage are too loud.
Victoria-bound for the week!
Blonde girl at Gold Coast airport wearing track pants and a black with diamontes Penthouse cap refuses to be stereotyped.
Seriously though, I hope to god that photos of me 7 years ago never surface.
If you think slaughtering innocent animals is disgusting, then put down that cheeseburger!
Glen McGrath #NeverForget
Where can I get film for my iPhone 5S on a Saturday in Brisbane?
On my tombstone I'd like it to say" He wasn't that funny, but he gave it a good try"
Nothing like a cyclone in Queensland to get the rest of Australia riled up and Queenslanders all going "meh"
The hero of the day is the legend trying to go surfing in Yeppoon, called out by @karlstefanovic onair then pulled in by @QPSmedia #tcmarcia
#TCMarcia is very close to Yeppoon, in-fact I'm informed now it's right on top of ya fork.
Photoshop turns 25 today, though you wouldn't know it by it's photoshoot for Graphic Design Weekly, it barely looks 16.
OMG! RT @0i76xl798k17li: |Prize|Patrol has chosen you as today's Australia winner @JoshuaWithers Claim at this page @A_U_SClaim
Abbott government to scrap the national Census in favour of just looking at the insights for everyone that checks into Australia on Facebook
Just booked another two weeks in NYC this July/August. Heck yes!
Did you know that if you're a first time user on Uber you can use the promo code 'marriedbyjosh' to get your first two trips free? Legit!
Is it too soon to start writing to Santa about a self-driving Apple car?
"It's a special kind of love (that I have for Phillip Ruddock)" - @JoeHockey
I'm predicting that in the next five years there will be a cat videos segment at the Oscars.
Dear Twittersaurus: a word for party that starts with m
Mother of a bride just now: Wow! I can't believe there's a male celebrant. Me: I know! How weird is it for a celebrant to have a penis!
But she's convinced that you watch 'Better Call Stan' on Netflix ... so not all advertising works.
Advertising works! Britt keeps on calling #BetterCallSaul 'Just Call Stan' ... @stancomau @MolksTVTalk
Disappointed the @CourierMail didn't go with "50 Palaszczuk's of Grey" today.
Animated GIFs maketh man
Am I using it right?
Just downed a holocaust of coffee.
I'm a bit worried about the few of my friends that haven't weighed in on Kanye West this week. Hope you guys are ok.
"Do something. If it works, do more of it. If it doesn't, do something else." Franklin D. Roosevelt
Is there any ethical problems about offering free cat photos in return for contracting your services? Do the cats need a per diem?
Breaking News: Tony Abbott knights himself #libspill #auspol
You know times are a tough for a PM when he has a lower approval rating than a guy that held people hostage in a cafe in Martin Place.
"The Prime Minister is a very busy man" ... just in case anyone needed a line for tomorrow's front page #sydneyseige
I love the visual idea of a leadership spill. Like the leadership is a schooner of beer and the party is trying to carry it without spilling
I don't want to alarm anyone, but it seems the Far Kew Corner Store at Kew has shutdown. Quite disappoint.
"Maybe dying alone isn't all that bad, like you don't hear many complaints"
And although I live on the Gold Coast, I have like one wedding near home.
So this year is shaping up to be blow-your-mind-crazy. Bali twice, Hawaii once, Sydney like twenty times, Perth twice, Melbourne three times
You haven't driven in Sydney traffic until unless you need a hug when you get out of the car.
Waa-hay!
I'm not a racist but I like tweeting confusing Tweets.
Waa-hay!
Eating activated almonds #DoingAnAbbott
Ate two brownies instead of just one #doinganAbbott
But who's going to control the Turnbull puppet? #libspill
Which is kind of creepy now I think about it.
I don't work. I just make people give each other jewellery and kiss.
Someone just referred to me not being available on the weekends because I'm working.
Waa-hay!